Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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