So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't want my vagina anymore.