I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ugly people sure do ruin things
nutella sex= disaster
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.