So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
