How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
