toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she looked like the before picture.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?