I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."