I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
