I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything