Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
