I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
