Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
