my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
