my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
