Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
