This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
