No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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