We should be called the Road Head Warriors
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
