Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
