then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Can I color on your dick again?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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