rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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