some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
