Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
