If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
