escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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