By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
