I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I intend to get homeless drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
