i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
