She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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