i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
