I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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