I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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