this beer tastes like vomit already
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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