The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
