I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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