Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
