I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
