I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Alive.
So much puke
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
