More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
