he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
