She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
