I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
