I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
