Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
