he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Come share oat with me in your robe
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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