Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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