The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
