U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
