Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
