i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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