My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I lost the right to judge tonight
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
