yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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