You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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