My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
