my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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