I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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