he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
