u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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