I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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