Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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