Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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