I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
