Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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