Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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