I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
