Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
