just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize