Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
