Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
