eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
